Single-minded mind

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Not too long ago, a few of us chipped in to buy a galfriend a mani/pedi at a swanky spa as a birthday gift. She's been going through a tough time lately; we wanted to spoil her.

After thanking us, she said, "Guess I'll have to wait to use it for when I'm seeing someone."

No, no and, in case I'm not making myself clear, NO!

That's the kind of thinking that happens to singles sometimes. The underlying message is: I'm not worth it.


Of course, I've been guilty of that, too. Letting the sheets go a little longer before being washed because "no one's been sharing my bed, so ..."

Or not bothering to shave my legs or polish my toes because who'll see, anyway?

Or eating a dinner standing in front of the fridge of whatever little odds and ends I can find in there.

Why do we often deny ourselves life's little pleasures (or grooming necessities!) because no one will share it with us?

I remember when I was dating Van. We were chatting on the phone when I heard he was making a lot of noise.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Making dinner."

Not just some out-of-the-package dinner, but he was stir-frying some chicken he'd marinated and a bunch of veggies while boiling up some brown rice. And, he wasn't entertaining! It was for him, and — as a long-time single guy — he almost always cooked like that for himself. I was so impressed.

Many of us feel guilty about such things.

I'm not talking about narcissistic behavior or spending foolishly to make ourselves feel good as a substitute for emotional connections we may be lacking; it's more about honoring ourselves and allowing ourselves to care for ourselves, especially if we're single.

So, do you "indulge" yourself just for yourself, or do you think, "why bother?"

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